IVF Can Fail For Many reasons
IVF can fail for many reasons.
IVF statistics are well-reported and for many couples, particularly older women or after repeated
IVF attempts, the chances of success are not high, but it can still feel devastating when hopes are dashed.
IVF is a challenging time physically, emotionally and often financially. After the ups and downs of an
IVF cycle, if the cycle is not successful or results in a
miscarriage, many women (and men) will feel a huge sense of loss and a complex mix of negative and exhausting
emotions – guilt and self-blame, or blaming your partner - ‘it’s my fault,’ ‘it’s his fault;’ anger - towards the doctors, the clinic, your partner, women who have children or are pregnant; the ‘wasted’ money; shame - at letting people down; and fear – including fear of a possible future without children.
Confidence Can Suffer
Research shows that women’s self-confidence and self-esteem can be very low after an unsuccessful
IVF cycle. They often report a sense of panic, feeling tense, irritable and unable to relax. . The sense of isolation can be very strong – feeling ‘left behind’ by friends and family. Some women may become depressed; particularly if they feel unsupported or have suffered from
depression in the past. Although some couples will become emotionally closer through fertility treatments, others report difficulties in close relationships – from the early stages of trying to conceive right through to starting to contemplate ending treatment. The challenges of dealing with the highs and lows of failed treatments can be immense and no two people will deal with the grief and loss associated with failed cycles or miscarriages in the same way.
Emotional Support and Expert Advice
We really understand what a difficult time it can be when a cycle fails and offer specific post-IVF consultations. We work closely with many of the top
IVF clinics, aiming to combine the best of medical care with psychological and emotional support. The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) provides a comprehensive list of clinics and success rates, but choosing the most appropriate clinic to your individual needs is not always easy. There may be advantages to staying with your current clinic, but sometimes a change of clinic may be more appropriate. Our specialist counsellors work independently and will help you to consider your next steps, without giving false hopes. We will help you to consider ways to try and improve your chances for the next time, ensuring that you are in the best health physically and nutritionally. We can also support you emotionally to help you to get into the right mind-set – literally helping you to manage your mind for fertility – to help you feel positive with a renewed sense of hope.
Considering Egg Donation?
Some women who have had repeated unsuccessful attempts at
IVF may need to consider moving on to egg donation. This is not an easy decision and involves many complex issues. As there is a shortage of donor eggs in the UK, some couples consider looking abroad for a donor. Although egg donation may offer renewed hope and possibly a dramatically improved chance of having a baby, there are major issues for many women (and men) around letting go of their own genetic child.
Our highly experienced nurse/midwives can provide an independent forum to discuss egg donation and to start to consider whether this may be an appropriate choice for you and your partner. We work with the top clinics in the UK and also in Europe and the US. We can also provide fertility and relationship counselling and specialised implications counselling where necessary.
Contemplating Stopping Treatment?
Egg donation may be a step too far for some couples and so the options may be to consider adoption or a future without your own genetic child. The decision to stop fertility treatment is never easy. After putting your life on hold for so long, many women find it hard to contemplate stopping treatment, and have almost forgotten what it feels like to lead a ‘normal’ existence –
IVF has become an addiction. So much has been invested to get to this stage – physically, emotionally and financially. There may be a huge incentive to feel ‘just one more’ or ‘the next one could be the one’ somehow justifying past efforts and expense. Of course there are always the cases where
IVF is successful after for example the 10
th or 12
th attempt, but as ever these are the cases which are publicised more widely; whereas couples who have not achieved their dream may not be so vocal.
Our specialist counsellors can help you to recognise that you may have gone as far as is right for you and to start to plan a positive way forward. This may be the time to learn to value yourself again, and to start to look forward with a positive attitude to new and exciting challenges in your life.
